I get tired just thinking back on it. It was one of those weeks where the distance between Monday and Friday somehow got longer as the week progressed. I was further away from the weekend on Tuesday than I had been on Monday. How? Excellent question. I have no answer. I just know I woke up Monday morning feeling overwhelmingly whack. I was tired, my hair wasn’t cute, I couldn’t figure out why the concept of work was ever created, and I had absolutely no motivation. Then, Tuesday body slammed me like Hulk Hogan in the early 90’s. In his prime. Back before the reality show and before we knew or cared about his completely blonde haired, slightly scary looking family. Like, when he was a true performance wrestler who made every ten year old want to lift iron before bed. Basically, Tuesday was stupid dumb painful. Wednesday actually got a lot better but then I wanted to sleep clean through Thursday and Friday. I couldn’t. I’m an adult. I had to get up and do stuff. It was like God had a basket of things that get on my nerves and he emptied it on my head throughout the entire week. I didn’t have an umbrella. I was nowhere near a covering. I was out there getting rained on by little energy sucking droplets of that funny tasting coconut water stuff. And you know how folks like to say natural girls don’t have to worry about getting their hair wet? Puh! From where do people get these theories? By Friday, I had been body slammed and rained on by things I don’t like. I was done and done.
I had a hard week, ya’ll.
Don’t look at me for advice on this. I have nothing for you except to maybe pray, focus on the positive, and intentionally surround yourself with people who remind you that you’re actually pretty awesome. I tried all those things and, though they helped, I still fumbled through the week like a toddler playing soccer. Lots of falling and running the wrong way.
It was hard to understand why I was feeling so low. Like why God? For what, Lord??? But then I started the next week with much more focus. I wondered where that came from. That’s when I realized that I needed a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. I needed to feel awful for a few days. I needed that motivation. That period of overwhelming pressure and distress helped to create a desperation in me. I became laser focused on creating the circumstances that would improve my well-being rather than accepting the circumstances that were perpetuating my dissatisfaction. When I started feeling unsatisfied, unmotivated, and exhausted by the simplest tasks, I started taking serious stock of my life – trying to separate out the parts of it that fill me from the parts of it that drain me. By the end of the week, I had taken a look to the left. Look to the right. Spotted a few things that annoy me. Chop chop. Started making plans to cut them from my life. It’s not easy. I haven’t even done it in the way that I intended yet, but I am keenly aware of what’s important and what’s not, what’s a priority right now and what’s not, what must stay and what must go.
So the good news is if you’re having a hard time right now, this may be your wake up call. If you read my blog often, you know I don’t have life figured out. But listen, I’m feeling real wise tonight. Very sage. Feeling insightful and stuff. Trust me on this. Discomfort leads to breakthrough. You trying to change your life or nah? I am. Leggo.