I don’t have not one husband and certainly don’t have a child. Not a one. That does not keep me from thinking about it though. Like, all the time. Ok first of all, I want to be a great mother. I really do. I plan to take the responsibility seriously. I want to be there to take care of their primary needs and also shape their understanding of the world. I want them to think Jesus is cool, to not only memorize their time tables but really understand how multiplication works, to appreciate their heritage, to be polite and courteous, and generally to be happy. It’s up to me to make all of these things happen. It’s almost overwhelming to think about it. HOWEVER, I do not want my tombstone to read: she was a good mother. Period. The end. That’s all this chick did. She had some babies, she raised them, and then she was done.
I mean, I don’t know what my tombstone should say exactly but the point is I’d like to leave a legacy that reaches to my children but beyond them. I don’t want to only be a mom. I want to continue working in Higher Ed, finally finish a book (or two or three), start a business, and do a few public speaking engagements. On top of that, I want to be a fabulous wife to my awesome husband (claiming him in the name of Jesus!), be a faithful daughter to my parents as they age, work in my church, take road trips with my line sisters and other friends, spend Thanksgiving with my brothers and their wives and children (sister-in-laws need to be on point, Donald and William), serve on the board of a few non-profits, and take the time to care for myself.
Buuuuttttt, I’m single as a dollar bill and it’s hard enough for me to keep my bathroom clean. Not exactly sure how I’m going to do it all. If I devote time to doing my hair perfectly (this rarely happens btw), my dishes will not get washed (but this always seems to happen). If my nails are done, my clothes probably aren’t ironed. If I have a big project at work, my gym time will be compromised and I might gain a few. If I spend a weekend with my parents, I will likely not write a word in this blog or in my book. Lawd!!!!! Now how in the heck am I going to add a husband and some babies to this mix? I think the key is to prioritize and then get comfortable feeling like I’m letting someone down.
I don’t want my kids to be my universe. I want to give them the universe. That might mean time away from them. It might mean that I don’t exclusively breastfeed for the recommended amount of time. It might mean that my daughter goes to school with one Elmo sock and one Mickey Mouse sock because I was distracted while dressing her. It might mean that my son is the last one picked up from basketball practice because heck, I forgot he was there. But I hope it also means that I leave an inheritance (of whatever type) to my children’s children (Proverbs 13:22). I want my children to be strong, resilient, persistent, unmovable little people because of the influence I’ve had in their lives. The thing is, I want to be all of these things as well and I want them to see me doing it.
I mean, we’ll see about all of this. I might end up having that first baby, quit my job, and be a super soccer mom. I may not even have babies and then none of this will even factor into my life. Who knows? I don’t. Y’all check in on me in a few years and see how it plays out.