I made a lot of questionable decisions between the ages of 18 – 24. I dated this guy who was dating other people. I stayed with him when he made one of the other girls his “main”. I made a few C’s in classes that I could’ve gotten A’s in. I wore tight braids that tore out my hair and then I got a real short haircut that made me look the opposite of cute. I ate badly and was sincerely stunned when I gained weight. I couldn’t dress. I was not always confident. It was a hard six years, ya’ll.
But now I don’t make the same dumb decisions (mostly). I will never be a side chick again. I do my best work, always. My hair is natural, and I treat these edges like a newborn baby. When I eat too much I fully expect to gain weight. To combat that, I go to the gym. I know exactly what looks good on my body and what doesn’t (skinny jeans, blazers, shorts, yes. Backless dresses, acrylic nails, dark lipstick, no.) I now recognize my strengths and celebrate my awesomeness as often as possible. See how this works? When I was a child, I did childish things. Now that I’m an adult, I put away my childish things (mostly).
So when a friend of a friend tells me that he’s dating a woman who is the mother of his child, they live together, and he will likely marry her, I do not expect him to then go on to say (proudly) that he doesn’t cheat on her as often as he used to. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I almost put that knee-grow out of my house! And when another friend tells me about her friend who saw her boo thang walk into church with another chick, wearing matching outfits, and sitting next to each other giggling through the whole service but secretly texted her throughout the service as well, I just want to scream! Is this acceptable? Is it? No boo boo! I mean, it was from ages 18 – 24 when you, like me, were probably making extremely questionable choices. Now, your grown behind needs to straighten up.
This is my overriding point: you may not continue to do the things you were doing a decade ago and expect anything greater than what you currently have.
But we all know this right? Like, if you used to come to work late and you always got demerits (or whatever), you can’t complain that you’re now unemployed. If you used to leave the club and eat an entire Wendy’s meal before going to bed, you can’t complain that you’re now double the size of your former self. If you allowed the guy you were hanging out with to spend a significant amount of time in your life without a commitment, you can’t complain that he’s now married to some girl he only dated for six months (bc she insisted on commitment). If you have decided that you will take absolutely no precautionary measures when sleeping with women, you can’t complain that they continue to have your babies. Cut it out. Immediately.
Do something different. Change your life. You are in control. Grab life by the reigns and steer it in the direction you know God is leading you. Stop allowing things to happen and make only what you want (and have control over) happen. Most importantly, learn from your mistakes and grow up.