I just finished watching “For Colored Girls”. I forgot how emotional that movie is. Sheesh. I probably won’t watch it again for at least a year. I need to forget it and then get surprised at all the emotion again next year.
Anyway, the movie made me think about what I want to give to my daughter – all the things I think she’ll need in this world. Do I have a daughter? Well, no. But I’ll be prepared when/if I do. These things go for a stepdaughter as well, if any. Here goes…
1. Touch – My momma used to rub the h*ll out of me. Literally. When I was sick or hurt or just watching TV in the living room, my mom would stroke my head. Sometimes she would just rub on me and not say anything, and it would feel like a little piece of heaven. I’m going to give my daughter my touch. I’m going to rub her arm, stroke her face, kiss her nose, wrap my arms around her and breathe on her neck. She’ll never guess what intimacy feels like because she’ll have it with me.
2. Worth – I’m going to point out to my daughter the many reasons she’s worthy. Worthy of what? Of life. Of love. Of respect. Of happiness. From the moment she’s born, I’ll be telling her all the wonderful things that make her unique and special. I will give her a foundation of self-worth that she can think back on as an adult. When all else fails, she should be able to say, “You may not think I’m awesome, but my mother does.”
3. Faith – Oh I’mma give her some Jesus! Please believe. And not just because my mom (and dad) gave it to me or because it’s a tradition or even because I think I have to (though I do believe this). It’s because I know the joy of the Lord. I know how great it is to put my trust in Him and how my faith has sustained me through the hardest times of my life. I will introduce my daughter to my faith, I’ll teach her the word (or at least take her some place where somebody can teach her), and I’ll give her room to make it all her own.
4. Family – Everybody who has a wonderful family knows how important it is to have that source of support. So first and foremost, I’ll give her a loving father. I’ll choose well. I’ll make sure that her dad is my husband and that his presence in her life is consistent and positive. In the event that I do not chose well (Lord, please don’t let me get stuck with a dumb man), I will give her my daddy (bc he’s pretty great), my brothers (they’re great too), and an extended family that gives to one another and expects nothing in return
5. A role model – I’ll give her me. I hope to give her an example. I’m not perfect, and I want her to know that. I will be open with her about my struggles and the things that worry me. I’ll show her how to be a lady and how to leave that lady at home when she just wants to be ratchet for a night 🙂 (Just for a night!) I want her to know what a real woman in this real world looks and acts like – how we take care of our homes, relax with our girlfriends, cry about silly things, point out injustices, outperform in the office (and at school), roll our eyes at our husbands when they say something stupid, apologize, admit faults, speak up for ourselves . . . you get it.
6. Carelessness – I’ll give her some fun. I want her to have great memories. I don’t want her to worry about things little girls don’t need to worry about. I will shield her from unnecessary hurt. And as tired as I know I’ll be sometimes, I’ll laugh and jump and play with my daughter. I want her biggest concern to be whether she’ll have an apple or a pear with her lunch.
I’ll let you know how all of this goes. My luck will be that she’s silly and pompous. That’ll be her daddy’s doing.