Hey Rock! Can I call you that? I know it’s informal, but I feel like we’re old friends. I’d be happy to call you Mr. President. No? Just call you Rock? Oh cool, I’m Mariah. I really just wanted to say a few things to you since I have the opportunity. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I would say if I met you. I have a list. I carry it with me just in case. Hold on, let me get it. Ok, here it is. I’m sorry I’m nervous. Just didn’t think I would run into you like this at Wal-Mart. Do you shop here often? Not usually? Yeah, I’ve never seen you here, but I saw pictures of Mrs. O at a Target once. Ok let me get to it. I know you’re busy. You should seriously think about letting someone else make your Wal-Mart runs. What did you say? Oh, you just came to pick up a razor? No, I don’t even see the stubble. You look great. Can I say that? Oh good. In that case, you look amazing. *blushes* Ok, here’s my list.
1. I don’t care about politics. I know, I know! I should. I’m a law school graduate, a voter, a concerned citizen – yes, all that – but I seriously could not tell you who my representatives are right now. I just don’t care. I have a general concern for my community and my country, but not really about the particulars. I tell you this because since you’ve been a presidential candidate and the years since you’ve held office, I now force myself to watch a few minutes of CNN or listen to NPR or read politically charged articles as I see them on yahoo. (I also do this so I’ll have something to say when my friends want to talk about these things. They get on my nerves.) This is not much, I know. I only know a handful about the hot button issues and very little about the not-so-hot issues. But! This is more than I ever knew before. So, thank you for giving me a reason to tune in. Otherwise, I might do it, but I wouldn’t have quite as much fun.
2. I admire you. I’m sure you get young, impressionable women to tell you this all the time. I’m pretty sure you get old, unimpressionable men and women to tell you this all the time, actually. Even though it’s nothing new coming from my mouth, I want you to know. We all love an inspiring story, and your life is just that. You could have been anything else in the world, and I don’t think anybody would’ve been surprised. I mean, you could’ve been a really good mechanic or a superintendent over a school district or the regional manager at this Wal-Mart we’re in, and nobody would’ve thought it was strange based on your childhood. Of course you went on to do some amazing things as a student and professional, but that’s what I mean. You created something from what could have been nothing (or not much), and I know a little something about that. It’s not easy. I want to do that too, and I know I can because you did. You know what else I like? You’re so cool with it. Can we say swag? You seem humble with a touch of cockiness and whole lot of confidence. I hope my (future) son looks up to you. I hope he has a wonderful father to look up to too, but that’s a whole other conversation.
You have any single friends? No? Too much? Ok, that actually wasn’t on the list. Let me move on
3. I’m just tickled red (not pink) that you married a black woman. I’m just sayin’! You were probably hot stuff back in the day. I mean, you’re hot now, but I mean like back before this president stuff or before the senator stuff. Like, when you had just graduated Harvard law and had a whole lot of potential but also a whole lot of debt and that weird fro or whatever that was. And you know, you were still trying to find yourself and stuff. You were hot because the potential was there, but you still had a few things to work on. Ok, what I’m saying is you probably could have chosen a different sort of woman. I don’t necessarily mean that you could have chosen a non-black woman (although you could have), but you could have chosen one of “those” women. The kind that is easily pretty, “well bred”, privileged, etc. You could have gone that route because she would have been a good mate in the white house. But what did you do? You chose a slightly older, arguably smarter, taller (than the average woman), darker, around-the-way-girl with enough class and grace to hold her own in the public eye. (Let’s be clear, Michelle is no around-the-way-girl by any means, but she makes you feel that way doesn’t she?) You chose a woman who could have said no. She’s the type we’re all glad also chose you. Ohhhhh you did well! And I just love me some Michelle. She is making little brown girls all over the world (including myself) feel . . . good. I can’t even explain it. I’m not sure if you understand what it means for little girls to see women who look like them doing what they have dreamed of doing. I think it’s essential. And you chose her. She was good enough. She was perfect. Just right for you. So when I go 3 months without getting hit on (like, at all) or I have that week when I only get hit on by bugger bears, I can just think about Michelle and how she probably had to deal with some ragga boos before Barack Obama found her. Surely my Rock is around the corner, and I’ll be perfect for him . . . broke, not into politics, really into facebook, and perfect.
I could stay and chitchat, but I know you need to leave. Is that guy over there a secret service agent? He keeps looking at me funny. You can’t tell me? Oh well tell him to get his face together. Ugh. Well, I’ll leave you to it. Keep up the good work. You’re making history, and I’m glad I get to watch. I’m praying for you.